I love watching shows highlighting female friendships. It’s why I loved Sex and the City and now Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce on Netflix (it’s 4 seasons and over now, so I’m late to the party).
The hubs was a little concerned about my interest in a show about divorce, but I told him – that’s just one piece of the plot. I absolutely adore Abby and her friendships and watching how they interact.
Their interaction is interesting for three reasons:
1. Female friendships are some of the lost sacred and difficult relationships I’ve ever been involved.
2. It’s wonderfully liberating to know all female friendships suffer from the same problems.
3. Girls need girls. Fear the friendless female.
As a girl who has always prioritized her female friends, I can tell you – like all relationships – they aren’t easy. They take work. They take an investment. Things get messy. Feelings get hurt. We’re human. We err. We forgive. We make up.
Because here’s the deal with me: I’m in it for the long haul. If I’ve deemed you friendship worthy; I’m ride or die. I’ll be there until the end of time. That’s not to say friendships haven’t ended – sometimes messily – but that’s not always been my choice.
When a friendship ends, it’s painful and horrendous. The reason is because female friendships are deeply emotional. Whether we admit it or not, we invest parts of our hearts into other women and when the friendship ends, it ends in a broken heart.
What hurts me the most when a friendship ends is the connectivity loss. I rely heavily on female friendships. I assume when I’ve decided I’m in it until death do us part, so are you. But that’s not always the case.
The Female Friendships that Fail
People enter relationships (both romantic and platonic) for all sorts of reasons.
Stability, recognition, and fear.
With regard to the female friendship: stability – needing a tribe, people to lean on; recognition – I’m a good mom, but I’m not getting the validation I need; fear – speaks for itself, there are so many fears – my child needs friends, I need friends, I am jealous and want the inside track on this woman, I am insecure and think this person will build me up, I need a non-family member to confide in … the list goes on.
Often I’ve found jealousy as the main reason for female friendship implosion. Which is sad. Guaranteed, if you told the “friend” in question you were feeling jealous, they would completely be shocked. They would feel awful and do what they could to build you up.
Fear The Friendless Female
But getting back to the friendless female. I can’t say this enough:BEWARE. This goes for both men and women. You should ask yourself:
- Why doesn’t she have any females who want to be her friend (outside of family)?
- What role has she played in the loss of female friendships?
- Does this mean she’s hoping to get all of her emotional needs met through me?
- Will I be able to fulfill those needs (I have a family, friends, life of my own)?
I cherish my girlfriends and do my best to be a genuine, loyal friend at all times.